Following that night..

I still can't believe all that happened till now. Last night was one of the toughest nights I've ever gone through. What is this feeling? Heartbreak? Lovesickness? Loneliness? Regret? My heart was heavy as I sobbed silently into my pillow under my blanket. Right after we spoke, the first thing I thought of doing was trying to forget as much of you as I could. I erased the name on your number so that they're just numbers, removed the ring you gave me from my ring necklace, put it back in its box and hid it away, changed my passcode which connected to you. I just wanted to forget whatever I could even if it's just for now..

No matter how much I wanted to sleep to forget about it the more I couldn't escape the reality. The memories, our conversations and especially our last talk just would not get out of my head. My heart kept thumping loudly through my ears and usually it would make me fall asleep but this time it continued to keep me up. Lots of thoughts flooded my mind as I stayed awake.

And this was the conclusion I could think up...

I want to blog my life and thoughts, perhaps just like how we talked on the phone about how our day went, what we ate and such. I made this blog for me to document how I will be getting by everyday following our last conversation on the phone. Your words, "I think we should stop talking" still seems so unreal and I guess I'm still not able to grasp onto reality right now. But I'll try to get by just like you're trying.

Whether my feelings fade, whether I hold onto them, I want you to know that I'll try to be fine on my own. So please, if you happen to run into me or accidentally see me, I hope you can pretend we're just strangers and I'll do the same. To be honest, I don't think I can face you right now. I know I said I wanted to hold onto you no matter what but right now I want to forget in order to move on so that once I get out of this period I'll be able to look back strongly on our memories and not get hurt by them. One day I'll be able to take the ring out and wear it again without painful thoughts.

I know it was your decision and you did it for the both of us so I'll continue to trust you. Once again, we missed our chance to be together just like a year and a half ago, huh? A relationship that ended before it even had time to blossom. But this time is especially harder to come to terms with everything as opposed to in the past. A part of me hopes you see this and another part hopes you won't ever come across it; whether it will set your mind and heart at ease or trouble you. Forget me too if you have to but I hope you continue to know that I know a year or two from now, my feelings won't change, though I can't guarantee after that. I still really like you and I wish the best for both of us. And all I can say now is...

Till we meet or talk again, goodbye for now, stay well and take care.