09.29 Mid Autumn

I slept super late, almost 4am and woke up late, 10-ish. The drama "Nice Guy" was soooo good I just wanted to keep watching it.. Sadly it's only up to episode 6 so I stopped at 5. My sister's friend ended up sleeping over. She's a really nice person. My sister told me that her friend wanted to let me know that she thought I got even prettier cause of my hair hehe. When I went downstairs to eat breakfast my sister was awake making pancakes. She only cooked enough for her friend and herself, didn't even think about making an extra or two for others... So I had to cook my own. Made chocolate chip pancakes again with whipped cream and ate my final cookie. Also drank the rest of a Calpico drink I had. Have you ever had it? I thought it was like a yogurt softdrink but it's not carbonated. It tastes kind of like the yogurt flavored drinks I like but a more watery version and less sweet. It's not too bad.

I snacked on some stuff in my room while watching dramas and working on an online test. Started yet another drama, "One Fine Day" and that I am addicted to right now. Another great actor, Goo Yoo starred in this one. I'm happy it's a finished drama (was made in '06). I'm watching so many at one time I should really make a list.. Munched on some chestnuts, kit kat, dark chocolate raisins and half a bag of Flamin' Hot Funions. Lunch was rice with some leftover ddukbokki sauce; the rice cakes were too hard and I figured I could replace it with rice heh. My mom brought us Caesar's Pizza when she got home with cheese sticks and chicken wings.

Moon looks like the Sun in the evening

I went out with my mom and aunt for grocery shopping at night. Before we left as I was checking the mail I saw a lovely yellow full moon; it seemed so close. The picture I took of it on my phone looks like it's the sun don't you think? Early in the afternoon a new friend I made at the first Japan Club meeting invited me to her club, CSSA's Mid Autumn Event. They were going to have games and moon cakes and I wanted to go but I couldn't make it.. Heard today is something like Mid Autumn Moon Festival??

I bought some other stuff just for myself but I'll share that with you later when I use them. Last thing I consumed today was a bottled glass of cola, was craving something carbonated.. I, my little brother and sister watched a movie after we finished putting the groceries away. "The Exorcist" and yes the first one which was made in 1973 and it was more funny than scary to be honest. It was slow in the beginning, confusing and it dragged a lot...I dozed off several times but was determined to finish it anyways. I guess next we'll watch "The Last Exorcism." Hmm I feel like baking tomorrow~ /random thought

"Hope all is well with your classes. Have a good night.  I like you."

09.28 Karaoke

Chapagetti! I always eat from the pot when I make instant noodles

I didn't get to drop off my siblings today.. was too tired. I woke up to my mom coming in my room hopefully finding a spare car key. She locked her cell and key in the car so she was late to work (she had my brother drive to my dad's job to get a spare from him). Watched an episode of "Nice Guy" last night and an episode of "Soulmate" in the morning. Breakfast was a chocolate chip cookie, two kimbaps and a chocolate chip pancake with whipped cream instead of syrup. I had the rest of my fried red bean stuffed donut that I bought yesterday and man was it oily! Even the wrapper had traces of oil in it after I finished the donut.. Also ate some of the Asian Pound Cake I bought.

I did a bit of rearranging in my room and a lot of cleaning. Took a break by playing MapleStory haha, first time I logged on it in months. Played like an hour only and got a headache..but! I was able to level up lol For lunch I had some leftover ddukbokki and a boiled vegetable soup called Nilaga. I also made half a pack of instant jjajangmyun.

Watched like half an episode of "Reply 1997," and couldn't get into it enough to finish it.. Watched more of "Nice Guy" tho, it got super interesting~

My sister got me a Starbucks Green Tea Frappuccino, Venti size too ♥ I always order it with non-fat milk and she didn't forget x) Around 9pm I went out with Nicole, Kuya, my little sister and her friend to Cafe de Japon to do some Karaoke. Many came to the event. (It was going to be their last time they were going to have the Karaoke so Nicole wanted to reserve it before it was gone) I saw some familiar friends from Japan Club and from Valley. They were surprised at my sudden change haha And I met some new people too.

Tiramisu with ice cream

I felt like trying out Japanese alcohol so I chose this plum shochu or like a plum flavored wine. It was super sweeet, don't think I'll ever get it.. I needed water with it. For food I ordered a Miso Ramen (I let others eat and they ate all my toppings So I was left with just noodles..), takoyaki and tiramisu with ice cream for dessert (which was so sweet and I was really tempted to order a sweeter dessert but didn't). I did sing a song solo, Ayumi Hamasaki's "Heaven," a very sad song lol. The songbook was huuuge like a dictionary and of course, it was all Japanese. I was able to get around it but others had trouble. Overall I paid $32. The waitress was..well everyone agreed she had an attitude and hard to communicate with sometimes.. my third time there and I don't think I want to go there again for a while.. all times I've gone there my experiences were not too good or too bad..but mostly not too good.. We left at 1am, got home at 1:40.

Okay so in "Nice Guy," the main guy ends up trying to protect his childhood noona whom he loves by taking the blame for a murder she committed. My question for you is if you would ever go so far for a girl you really liked or maybe even a close friend or your family to cover up their murder and suffer in jail for 5 years for it? Not to mention after being released you'd still be marked as an ex-convict so getting a decent job is almost impossible too... How would you feel toward that person when you finally get out? Bitter??

It was definitely such a long night, didn't exactly finish cleaning my room so I'll save it for later today. 2am and I think I have to stay up a bit longer cause I ate super late so I'll be watching more of "Nice Guy."

"Bye and I like you. 'Night."

09.27 Korea Town

Today was an eventful day~ I woke up at 6am to practice driving by dropping off my siblings. Nicole texted me right when I got home so I was up till about 7:30 texting her about what our plans were today then I went back to bed. Woke up at 11. Had a chocolate chip cookie for breakfast, yogurt drink, fried rice with ketchup and cereal with rice milk yet again.

When I got to campus and entered the SU, I saw Yuni coming out of the bathroom. She saw me but didn't know it was me so I chased after her lol. Apparently she didn't recognize me haha, especially cause of my hair color and I wasn't wearing my glasses so my transformation was a success I guess~ I bought a Starbucks Tazo Green Tea ♥ We talked a bit; this was the first time this semester I saw her on campus. We caught up a bit; talked about hair, her work, possibly going to the gym together and such. She was done for the day. Headed to class afterwards while drinking my tea and some vegetable fries ♥

We had another guest speaker, an ex-stripper/pole dancer this time named Fawnia who owns a pole dance studio here. She was another great guest, we even had an interactive session where she showed us a couple moves and we followed, the whole class even our teacher lol. We all lined up against the wall and did some...moves. No any other class would you be able to see your professor so into dancing sexily with the class and I mean he was very into it and did the moves even better than most others xD She gave the whole class a card that would be able to give us one free class to her studio. I don't think I could ever use it, well maybe for a yoga or Pilates class. We saw some videos of two really great pole dancers; one did it as a sport and competed and the other did it a little bit with more sex appeal I guess you could say. But it was really amazing the things they could do!

What I ordered

Taiyaki~ LOVE THIS!

Nicole's order

Went straight to Greenland / Korea Town meeting Nicole along the way. I had kimbap and ddukbokki ♥♥ Nicole had sushi (which I had some of). The guy who rang Nicole up at the Japanese/Korean food stall was super friendly! He gave us two miso soup, even though I didn't buy anything from there. And! he let me pick out a free drink, but I just chose a bottle of water x) We talked with him a bit; he was pretty cool. As usual I didn't finish my food but took it to-go for my siblings. We went to a cafe after that and I got some freshly baked Taiyaki with red bean filling~ It was super good! Despite being full I just had to try some ♥ It tasted best just-made. We went to the supermarket area next. Bought drinks, soju, a Chapaghetti pack and snacks. My brother arrived while we were shopping. And last we went to the bakery right out front and I got some random pastries. I tried a bit of each one our way home. As we were leaving I saw two of my Japanese classmates, Robertson-san aka Kawika and Choi-san or Alex. I chatted a bit with both of them, they were just there to eat and were going to head to Japan Club. I told them that I wasn't planning on going today (Japan Club was planning on making Dango, but I was so full already) but will see them there next week with Yuni too :) I think I want to make Greenland my new hangout, me and Nicole definitely want to eat there on a weekly basis haha

Hoodie!

Kuya and Nicole came inside our house to chill for a bit. We watched some random youtube videos on my laptop then watched "The Rise of the Planet of the Apes." Oh! A jacket I ordered from Ebay came in today! ♥ Love it~ The rest of the night I folded some of my laundry then went to bed.

I had a question I wanted to ask you but forgot it urgh....

Going to sleep pretty late today, so an early, "I like you and g'night."

09.26

Got up early again, like 8:30-ish even though I went to bed like around 2am. I watched another Korean movie in the morning, "He Was Cool." It was super funny haha and it starred another of my favorite actors, Song Seung Hun. It was a typical bad boy, jjang leader fighter kind of movie. I watched it while the FoodNetwork was on t.v. and while I ate my breakfast. Today I had cereal with rice milk, two yakult, two bites of left over cake from Sunday, a chocolate chip pancake and some rocky road ice cream. Whoa basically sweets for breakfast lol Lunch was some spaghetti and omelet with fried rice. Before going to campus, I loaded most of the songs I listen to to my phone. I hate iTunes so badly but had no choice cause my mp3's broke to no return... Snacked on these vegetable chips before leaving the house >>>>>

These were the chips I had. First tried them at a Korean Karaoke place and thought they were a Korean chips brand. I really really liked them; they weren't so salty. But then one day I saw them at Walgreens so now I know where to get them ♥ It has three flavors in the bag; potato, spinach, tomato.

At campus I had dark chocolate and three sticks of kit kat. I didn't have a quiz in class today, yesss~ That class is so interesting but just that it's almost 3 hours long and it's so late, it really feels like we're in there for even longer. Plus our breaks barely even last 10 minutes.. We left late as usual. I drove on the way home again, more practice~ My mom fed me some McDonald's cookies; I had a chocolate chip, oatmeal and sugar cookie. When I got home my mom watched me again and made sure I ate, urgh... So I ate as little as I possibly could of this vegetable called Upo in soup with onions and rice. There was meat but I didn't eat any so I didn't feel too full.

I want to ask you another question. If I happened to do something embarrassing, say falling flat on my face and I didn't know you were around would you still come out and help me even though many others saw and were laughing at me? Just asking because there was an embarrassing scene in "He Was Cool" and it made me think of a scenario like that.

One more day to go this week!

I think you seem to be doing really well. I gotta try harder; the best thing I can do is change myself physically. I feel like watching another K-Movie tonight before sleeping.

" G'night. I like you."

09.25

Was up early today. My breakfast was seasoned shrimp and a bit of cereal with rice milk. And a yakult ❤ Watched a little FoodNetwork while eating. Left my house at 10:30 cause I wanted to have Korean food at one of my fav Korean restaurants for lunch today (luckily they open right before lunch) and I finally got it; seafood soondubu~ I think I want to learn how to make it but I need to buy the earthen potware.. They gave me 8 side dishes oh boy. I didn't touch my rice because I knew it'd make me full faster. Ate soooo much but didn't plan to eat much the rest of the day.

While I was using the bathroom on campus before class, I dropped something precious in the toilet... my old mp3 player... It was in my breast pocket and when I bent down it fell in T_T I was horrified but I still pulled it out right away, and yep, it's done for..I need to buy a new one (it's about time anyways), maybe one that plays videos. When I walked into SEB, there were so many people inside; they were giving out free drinks and pizza! I think it was an Engineer or Science event or something but I just went straight to class. When I sat in my seat, a couple girls had some pizza so I wondered if it was okay if anyone just grabbed some. A friend I made in my class asked them and they said it's completely free for anyone so we both went and lined up outside for the free food too; I just couldn't turn down free food lol. I got two slices and a Whoppers candy too. Our class just watched a dance history film so I ate my food while I watched ♫ I ended up finishing the two pizzas...

After class as I waited for my ride I watched another Korean movie on my phone, "Love Me Not." Had one of my favorite actresses, Moon Geun Young. At the end I almost thought it was going to be a sad ending but it wasn't thank goodness~ And while I watched, I munched on dark chocolate and two sticks of kit kat. When my mom picked me up (I drove going home) she was really really hungry so she wanted to stop by Caesar's Pizza because it would be ready right away. I told her I had pizza earlier in the day so we decided on Jack and the Box drive through. Usually I'd be eating in the passenger seat and hand her food and prepare the sauce as she drove but this time it was the opposite way around haha. I had mozzarella sticks, some fries, mini pancakes, a hashbrown stick and a little bit of eggs. When we got home there was already food prepared though, Sinigang Pampano, a fish stew dish. Pampano is one of my favorite fishes cause it doesn't have much fishbones :) I ate a little of it after eating Jack and the Box. 

At the end of the day I watched another Korean movie, "A Million." Luckily it wasn't a horror movie; it was a thriller and mystery I guess and basically a survival game. It was pretty sad but still interesting enough for me to want to finish it. The rest of the night I folded some of my clothes that were lying near the footing of my bed. Halfway done with the week~

"Goodnight, I like you."

09.24

Woke up pretty late today, a little before 11am. I remembered some of my dreams again last night. I was back in Guam and I was on my way to meet a childhood friend, April. She told me she was working and that I should visit her at her work; she got off at midnight so we had to catch her by that time. On our way to look for the place, my mom decided to stop by a market to buy garlic (so random I know). For some reason there was onions and ginger but no garlic haha so we never made it to seeing April. Then I had another dream. I was with my usual high school and college friends, Alice, Marco, Kevin, Maritza and so on. We were at a table together...And somehow it was a time when guys were being deployed to the army..? We wanted to play some kind of sport so we were looking for an open field to play and that was how that one ended. The last dream I remember was that I had three dogs. One big, brown and black. A skinny white one that looked so creepy but cute to me at the same time. I forgot how the third one looked. The white one did not like me at all but I really wanted to befriend it. 

Today I had an eggplant and vegetable omelet, yakult, some rocky road ice cream, cereal with rice milk and mini teddy grahams at home. On campus I had dark chocolate raisins, a piece of a dark chocolate with almonds bar and a mini kitkat bar. Ehhh so much sweets... Gonna finally eat Korean food tomorrow though! Can't wait.Was finally able to use shampoo on my hair yayyyy~ Also watched a Korean movie today, "The Legend of Seven Cutter" which is a comedy. Pretty funny one. I stopped "Miss Ripley" because I spoiled the ending and found out that she doesn't end up with anyone... 

Class was not boring today. I finally know what elementary school I'll be teaching at so I'm pretty stoked about it. I decided on one near me. On the way home I started listening to the SOS station on my mp3. I think nearly all the songs I liked because of the beat and sound. When I actually listened to the words (and it's rare for me to pay attention to lyrics; I mostly listen to music because of the beat), some songs were comforting, some were sad. I think I'll be listening to that station more frequently.

Today's marks one week since we've stopped talking huh? I wonder how you are. I remember one of our conversations on the phone you said you wouldn't be able to go a day without talking but you persevered for a week already. "Talk to you later?" you last said. Will it be a month, three months, half a year, a year, two years, three years, five years or never when we talk again? Tomorrow's another day we're on the same campus but I hope, I pray, we won't meet by coincidence..

"I still like you. Good night."

09.23 Cream Puffs

                                                                                                 Made some more french toast for breakfast again today. My sister's really addicted to it I think lol. Had the sponge cake I bought from the bakery before for breakfast, but honestly the texture wasn't like a sponge cake but like an angel cake and chiffon cake put together. It was dense and a little hard to swallow but still good. Had a little bit of rocky road ice cream too my yakult too~

                                                                                       Today I baked a loooot. Was in the kitchen from 9am-1:30pm. The Proposal was playing on TV at one time. We had a family get-together in the afternoon and I let them know last week that I wanted to make cream puffs, which was my first time to contribute to the feast. My mom's specialty is Cassava Cake so she baked that but I had to finish baking the topping. I kinda burnt the biggest one but redid the topping on it eheh.. Spent a long time baking. The dough for the cream puffs took almost an hour to make, baking took 45 mins and also made homemade whipped cream to go with it too. I turned out really well! But then the 45 minute travel there kinda melted the whipped cream... ;(  It looked pretty nice still but when you bit it, the cream just oozed then splat out.. My niece even commented, "It sharted!" when it dripped on the table while she was taking a bite.

My sister cut my bangs for me as we were getting ready. They grow sooo fast. These past few days I've just been putting just conditioner on my ends because I can't use shampoo on it yet and how I miss using shampoo! Maybe I'll use it tomorrow.. Anyways, at the party I mostly read my textbook cause I had an assignment due before midnight. My sister brought her homework too and studied as hard as she could. Food-wise, I had this tofu vegetable dish and broccoli with teriyaki sauce. They unexpectedly had crepes so I had myself one too, with uh, very little nutella, whipped cream and strawberries. Had a cake there too but didn't finish it..  >> the picture there is of cupcakes, the cake and party favors :) I was able to find a scale at their place which seemed like it weighs more accurately since it was a digital one; 87.4 lbs.                                                                                                                                       We picked up my auntie afterwards. While listening to the radio, we heard Gangnam Style! Awesome, awesome. I drove the way home from Wynn. Did homework the rest of the night.                                                                                                                                                                          
Oh! I want to tell you a dream I had last night. It was very vague and I don't remember much but it had to do with a monster invasion (probably inspired from Cabin in the Woods last night lol). Nothing frightening happened but I remember food was getting scarce but some food stalls and restaurants were open. For some reason I went to all Korean restaurants and I just really wanted ddukbokki so badly. When I went to one restaurant they ran out, then I went to the next one and they didn't have it either. The last place I went to they had it except it was a frozen kind one and before I could buy it, I woke up. I must have reallly wanted it, but now I feel like craving it too. Planning to eat Korean food sometime this week~

That's all for today I guess. Off to do more homework. "I like you. Goodnight."

09.22 Movie night

Had no Madeleine molds so used a puto mold

Woke up early. My little brother's friend did end up staying over. I decided to make some food for them. Baked round Madeleines and made french toast (using the recipe on the rice milk carton). The kids liked them all and they didn't last long. My little sister even asked me if I could make some more french toast but we were out of butter. Ate half a daifuku which I bought from Chinatown the other day. Also had Sopas and some pancit, needed to balance all those sweets I ate x)

I started another drama, Miss Ripley, which has the main guy from Rooftop Prince heheh. It's pretty interesting, but it's more on the depressing side.. Kuya and his girlfriend came over today in the afternoon. His tires blew out and so he changed it and wanted to leave the old tires at our place. They invited me to go out with them to movies, eating and shopping but we decided on something else.

Ended up buying Pizzahut and I bought ice cream and chips at Walgreens. I bought like 4 kinds of ice cream. While we ate in the living room we watched Balls of Fury. Afterwards we played Blazblue, a fighting game, on the PS3. I totally sucked, just kept pressing random buttons lol. Lastly, we saved horror movies for the night on Netflix. Saw some of Ju-on and Carved Woman/Slit Mouthed Woman, both Japanese movies. They weren't so terribly scary; I think I screamed out loud once. My mom came home and brought some Burger King; munched on fries and onion rings. The last horror movie we watched was The Cabin in the Woods and it was very good! So many twists and an unexpected plot, just when you think it's over it gets even better. Super super good, we all agreed :) Really different from other horror movies.

Today I basically pigged out a lot! Even broke some of my rules like some meat and soda, sorry again.. Had a Haagen dazs chocolate flavored ice cream~ I think I'm back to my normal weight, 88ish. Procrastinated my readings and have some homework due tomorrow..

The most randomest phrase I said out loud today was, "I wish aliens would come visit us." We saw a couple alien movie trailers that's why and the ending of Green Lantern. Nicole asked why and I remember just saying that nothing interesting ever happens here; like it's just...boring. Of course my brother told me what most likely would happen if they did come; they'd kill us off just like if we went to another planet we'd kill off whoever and whatever was there if they were weaker than us. 

I guess I'll end off with another question for you. In The Cabin in the Woods, there was a scene where depending on the object someone picked up first and activated, that would determine what monster would come after them and kill them so... "If you could pick a monster to fight off what would it be?" (ie. werewolves, aliens, serial killers, psychopaths, zombies, etc)

"Goodnight and I like you."

09.21

My breakfast :)

I woke up pretty late, 11 am. Had a vanilla spongecake and yakult for breakfast. Lunch was a filipino dish called Chicken Tinola. Had a little bit of chicken, I'm sorry.. Watched a bit of Food Network after eating. My auntie's friend, visited from Missouri (she moved here like last week). She lives on the west side too. I was planning to hang out with Nicole at the Boulevard Mall and eat at one of my favorite Korean places today but our times didn't match, so we just scheduled our little date for next week. (I want spicy Korean food...) Much of today I was out with my aunties shopping and touring and such. I guess I was the tour guide and the person who gave the directions basically. 

First we went to Savers, where my auntie loves to shop at. She shopped for so long.. I didn't buy anything. Next we went to Encore/Wynn where we walked and walked around just sight-seeing passing by almost every shop. I got sooo tired, I totally forgot to take my pills last night and this morning so I felt a  little anemic. I munched on some chocolate raisins and a dark chocolate bar with almonds for energy the whole time. Afterwards we ate at Seafood City. I had Sotanghon Soup. Got home around 5:30.

When my auntie from Missouri drives, she drives pretty slow lol. I remember how you told me that the women in your family are afraid to drive and I think she's the same, driving so that she's careful. I seriously noticed that she never drove past 40 mph. Most of the time she was driving 35 at a 45 zone xD Whenever she parked, she'd park pretty far away from the entrance where there were more parking spaces as opposed to my mom who'd wait no matter how long it took to park super near to the entrance.

The rest of the night I did some laundry and cleaned my room. My little brother had a friend over; I think he'll be sleeping over. I passed out on my floor around 11pm and woke up after two hours to finish some more cleaning and took out the trash. I kept thinking throughout the day how I regret not sending one last text to you. Even though you told me not to, maybe I really should have and I could have just offed my phone right after sending it. Not being able to talk to you, contact you is starting to get to me a little now but still trying to stick it through. Just need to make myself more busy busy.

"I like you, and goodnight."

09.20 A step towards change

On campus on my way to class I saw Grace :) We couldn't chat since she was rushing to get to work. A little while after, also ran into another Valley friend, Kevin. Told him I was in a rush too but he said he didn't care because he just wanted a hug. In class we got into our groups only and we got out after a brief discussion like a little before 3.

Next I went to Chinatown. I wanted to dye my hair, that was the plan today and I was going to do it no matter how expensive it'd be. Decided to do it at the regular salon I go to for cuts, Beaut Point. I made phone call while at school asking how much it'd be for super long, medium thick hair and they told me $80+. When I came in telling them I just wanted coloring, Sophie, the one who does the dyeing knew I was the one who called earlier. She was pretty friendly, started working on my hair right away while we chatted. The color I was going for was a light almost faded pink/red and she said it looked like copper red from the ref pic I showed her. I walked out with my hair wet and with treatment cream up in a bun cause I had to wash it out when I got home so I didn't really know how it turned out till I got home. Apparently it took three bottles of dye for all my hair haha. Oh, btw in all it was $110, eesh..

Went to Diamond Bakery next door after. Bought a strawberry cake for my kuya and a tiramisu cake for my sister and a mango juicebox for myself. Next went to 99 Ranch and bought tons of yakult, 2 daifuku for Nicole and sister, instant spicy ramen bowl, chestnuts, Calpico drink and a chocolate cracker snack. And after, bought food at the French and Vietnamese Cafe. Bought three sandwiches, one for me, and spring rolls that my mom likes. As I waited for my ride, went to yet another bakery, Sunville Bakery, and got vanilla and sponge cake.

My mom picked me up with her sister. They wanted to go to Boulevard Mall so that was our next stop. I shopped at Forever21, and they went to Vitamin World and Frederick's (cause there was a sale there). Ended up staying there till 9, closing time. Last stop for the day was Popeye's to buy chicken for dinner.

Belgian ice cream wafflewich!

When we got home, Kuya and Nicole were over doing their laundry. I talked with Nicole a lot; she asked what was wrong with my FB and why did I want to dye my hair and pay so much for it. I guess the reason was because I really wanted to change myself, even if it was physically. I wanted to hide my FB especially from you so you can't see what is going on with me, my pictures and such. I still feel it unfair that you never sent me a single picture of the pictures we took on your phone.. Until now, I don't have a single picture of you but I will just have to live with it.. I was finally able to tell my whole family that things didn't work out between us right now; now they'll stop asking questions about you and stop the teasing lol Watched a little of Puss in Boots with the two before they left and ended up falling asleep on the couch.

Let's see..today's breakfast was a fried egg, boiled vegetable leaves with some rice and a slice of bread with butter and jam. Lunch I had a belgian ice cream wafflewich (wasn't able to finish it..) from The Lunchbox. I ordered it to-go and was eating it with a fork too while I headed to the library before class. Have you ever been there? It's across the street from the Student Union. At night I ate a tofu Vietnamese sandwich and a spring wrap/roll, mango juicebox and yakult, then popcorn shrimp. Ate so much today...

Tofu Sandwich~ I always put Hoisin sauce

My question for you today: 'Do you like pancakes, waffles or french toast?'

And guess what, "I miss you and like you. Night.."

09.19 Panda and Hedgehog

I had more sleep today compared to the last two days. Was planning to sleep at 9 but randomly decided to watch a drama to help me sleep a little better. And it worked! Watched "Panda and Hedgehog" episode 4 and 5 and I can honestly say I was able to genuinely laugh while watching it. It lifted my spirits; I felt the tightness in my heart lessen. As I tried to sleep I just kept thinking about "Cake, cake, cake" lol.

Woke up early, 9:13. Weighed myself again in the morning, still the same, 83 lbs. After I ate, I wanted to watch another episode before reading my texts. There was this one scene when the two mains pretended to go out on a date because they had never gone on one before and the baker, the guy, needed inspiration on a "dating theme" for a business proposition. Their third choice was to go to the movies where they ended up watching "Madagascar." The guy really enjoyed it and was into it but the girl fell asleep and even snored lol. He was embarrassed and apologized to the people around who were disrupted. I swear I don't snore, or it's probably really faint x)

For breakfast, it was yakult, 1 1/2 pieces of puto, snacked on the crust of an apple pie and an orange (which was not sweet at all..). Lunch was another chicken bbq stick and vegetables in soup and some fish. There were lots of eggplants in the soup and it, again, reminded me of you and how you don't like them. Thinking about it, after eating one I couldn't eat the next cause it really was slimy...Drank another yakult before heading to campus. At campus I had half a granola, a piece of chocolate bar, string cheese and several pieces of dark chocolate covered raisins. After my mom picked me up she said I was looking paler than usual, but I told her it was probably cause I'd been in class for so long and was tired. She pressured me, and even watched me to make sure I ate at home. Drank another yakult. I had crab curry with pumpkin and some greens. I barely added rice. That was at 10pm so it pushed my sleeptime to 2am...Spent most of my time browsing online, cleaning my room a little more, reading and watching my drama. My voice got more hoarse btw, ugh need to drink more water...

My class today is the class where it is always unbelievably cold like I've told you so I always prepare a sweater. But today, it wasn't cold but warm, thank goodness. Our teacher made sure to tell them. Oh! I finally placed an order for glasses online. Bought from EyeBuyDirect. The other site, Coastal, had these glasses that I really wanted but they were sold out.. plus the brand was your name too, how ironic haha Can't wait to get the glasses! 2 weeks~

When I got home I also found a present on my bed. Seems Nicole came by and dropped of my bday present~ There was a planner (which I really needed), lead pencils and pens, sticky note tabs, bath scrubber thingy (which I also needed), klenex tissues lol, a totoro button, a necklace and bracelet, and a small bag that had stress relief lol bath lotion and wash (definitely will be using this!). Yeah her presents are usually this random haha


Hmm, it still seems that little things still trigger a connection to you. From food to music, I still think of you often but a little less than yesterday. If I could ask you a random question today it would be, "Do you eat nuts? If so, what's your favorite?" I hope your classes are going well, that you pass your Bio test this week with a good grade (hopefully you were able to study without distractions) as well as your quizzes. Eat well and sleep well. Anyhow....




"I like you. Goodnight and bye."

Lastly I leave you with this which was from my text Analects: The Master said, "To truly love is better than just to understand, and to enjoy is better than to simply love."

09.18 Erasing you

One of the things I did in the morning was deactivate my FB. I hope you can't see my pictures so that they don't have to remind you of me. And I felt like I wanted to temporarily leave my social space..? I was also afraid that maybe you'd erase me from your friends list. I hope you don't; I honestly don't want to remove you. I think it's easier for me to be in denial and think something false and make myself believe in it rather than find out the truth and hurt myself more from it. I did see with my eyes before deactivating it that you did put "Single." It confirmed to me that we really ended it, since I wasn't able to tell on the phone last night with your words.

I finally grabbed enough courage to reread your text. If I could text you back a reply (since you asked me not to and being the compliant person I am I couldn't) it would be this:

"Please don't feel bad; I trust your decision and I know you're doing it for both of us.
I'll be praying for us both as well. I hope you stay well and take care too."

Did you ever think that the first time we saw each other after almost two years would be the last? It still weighs on me but maybe that will make our parting easier huh?

I went to school hoping not to see you. On my way to class, I ran into a friend again. We talked a bit. He's a singer and composer and I enjoy listening to his music in progress. While talking to him I noticed my voice changed and my throat hurt, something was definitely wrong but not enough to bother me the whole day. In my DAN class we had another speaker; an author, dance instructor, dancer and former stripper. It was pretty fun and she even got the whole class involved in stretching and releasing stiffness; we yelled and sighed out loud. Screaming does release stress and built up tightness I found. At the end she even performed a dance for us (:

After class, I went straight to the library. I did some research on your religion and the basics, beliefs from books and online. I felt like I shouldn't have, it just reminded me even more of you and did tear a couple times while reading. When my mom picked me up, she started asking about you. She asked whether we were actually going out and such. I told her it was..complicated and the truth about what we want to do in the future and what your religious views were. She didn't seem to mind and understood, in fact, she started telling me of friends and family who converted because of their choice. She didn't think bad of it and said it really is a good religion to belong to. Today we also had family come over. We picked up a married couple from Guam. They were very tall! Seeing me compared to their daughter they thought I was 16 years old lol. They lived on your side of town. Driving down Buffalo I clearly remembered passing by it with you too.

I know I said I will take care of myself but I don't think I'm ready to go back to normal yet. I weighed myself in the morning: 83 lbs... I really did not have an appetite the whole day. For breakfast I had a yakult drink, lunch was a Tazo tea and half a granola bar and later in the day I had potato chips from Wynn (which were incredibly thick and crunchy) and a bbq chicken stick.

I did a lot of reading the whole day and listened to a song non-stop. I feel like I need noise around me or keep myself busy so as not to think about those things. I think I will sleep pretty early today so to fill the loneliness and gap. Today I smiled fake smiles. Pretended to be okay. I don't want to tell all this to anyone close to me, at least not yet. But I think I'm closer to getting back to the way I was before.

Lastly, I want to convey to you (or even let my feelings reach you) just like we did each night, "I like you. Goodnight. Bye"

Following that night..

I still can't believe all that happened till now. Last night was one of the toughest nights I've ever gone through. What is this feeling? Heartbreak? Lovesickness? Loneliness? Regret? My heart was heavy as I sobbed silently into my pillow under my blanket. Right after we spoke, the first thing I thought of doing was trying to forget as much of you as I could. I erased the name on your number so that they're just numbers, removed the ring you gave me from my ring necklace, put it back in its box and hid it away, changed my passcode which connected to you. I just wanted to forget whatever I could even if it's just for now..

No matter how much I wanted to sleep to forget about it the more I couldn't escape the reality. The memories, our conversations and especially our last talk just would not get out of my head. My heart kept thumping loudly through my ears and usually it would make me fall asleep but this time it continued to keep me up. Lots of thoughts flooded my mind as I stayed awake.

And this was the conclusion I could think up...

I want to blog my life and thoughts, perhaps just like how we talked on the phone about how our day went, what we ate and such. I made this blog for me to document how I will be getting by everyday following our last conversation on the phone. Your words, "I think we should stop talking" still seems so unreal and I guess I'm still not able to grasp onto reality right now. But I'll try to get by just like you're trying.

Whether my feelings fade, whether I hold onto them, I want you to know that I'll try to be fine on my own. So please, if you happen to run into me or accidentally see me, I hope you can pretend we're just strangers and I'll do the same. To be honest, I don't think I can face you right now. I know I said I wanted to hold onto you no matter what but right now I want to forget in order to move on so that once I get out of this period I'll be able to look back strongly on our memories and not get hurt by them. One day I'll be able to take the ring out and wear it again without painful thoughts.

I know it was your decision and you did it for the both of us so I'll continue to trust you. Once again, we missed our chance to be together just like a year and a half ago, huh? A relationship that ended before it even had time to blossom. But this time is especially harder to come to terms with everything as opposed to in the past. A part of me hopes you see this and another part hopes you won't ever come across it; whether it will set your mind and heart at ease or trouble you. Forget me too if you have to but I hope you continue to know that I know a year or two from now, my feelings won't change, though I can't guarantee after that. I still really like you and I wish the best for both of us. And all I can say now is...

Till we meet or talk again, goodbye for now, stay well and take care.